How to ask for what you need

Dear Inkling tribe,

This episode is very near and dear to my heart, as I grew up as a perpetual people pleaser; always wanting others to like me, wanting others to be happy and never wanting others to feel put out. Not surprisingly, I rarely got my own needs met.

This behaviour eventually drove me into the arms of a therapist, who quickly helped me to identify that I was burnt out from a bad case of the Pleasingpox. I have listed below the common symptoms of Pleasingpox:

  • You have a tendency to say yes, even when you want to say no
  • You get a buzz out of pleasing others, even when it puts you out
  • You spend a significant amount of your time and efforts focussing on the needs of others
  • You wish you had more time to do the things you truly wanted, but feel guilty when you put your needs first
  • You find yourself feeling resentful of people, often loved ones or colleagues who have done nothing wrong
  • You complain to others about feeling ‘put out’ and about the things you ‘need’ or ‘have’ to do for others
  • You worry that others will not like you or be upset with you if you don't meet their needs
  • You know in your heart that you are not getting your needs met at work and/or home

If you answered yes to three or more of these statements you a likely to have a case of the Pleasingpox, and without hesitation, you need to tune into the episode below where I outline a simple but highly effective tool to help treat your Pleasingpox.

One of the fastest ways to treat Pleasingpox is to ensure that your needs are being met.  When I started to see my own needs as equally important to the needs of others, I was able to ask others for my deepest desires. This allowed me to get more of what I wanted, and to come bouncing back to my commitments with more energy, happiness, fulfillment and peace. Tune in below to learn a simple technique that has helped hundreds of women around Australia get their needs met.

The technique I share this week has helped women to:

  • Ask for a pay rise, promotion or stretch opportunity
  • Outline their needs for flexibility
  • Assert to friends or loved ones their need to stay home, over attending a social gathering
  • Ask for more support from loved ones/colleagues
  • Provide clear feedback to team members

In fact, this technique helps in any situation where you are asking for something.  We would love to know how you go and what you asked for, so please share with our wonderful community of women on out Facebook page.

While it can feel scary to ask for what we need, just remember, the Twinkling for the week:
“Ask for what you need; what’s the worst thing that could happen” @InklingWomen #inklingtv

Much love and thanks,

Sophie and the Inkling Women team xo